Responding to Pain and Sorrow

In light of the recent acts of violence that took place in Virginia, in the United States, it is important to look at how can we as Christians can respond when overwhelmed with pain and sorrow. All of us experience sorrow, trauma or pain at different times in our lives. There once was an event in my life when the leader of a Christian group that I worked with had a personal problem with me and forced me out of the group. I had no recourse. It was a difficult time for me. What was I to do at that point when I could no longer participate with the group? I though that I was at a dead end…

When pain or sorrow comes we can react or respond. It is natural for us to react. Reacting does not require much thought or preparation. If someone hurts us our immediate urge is to just lash out at them in anger. Yet, what does this accomplish? It may cause hurt and pain in others but it will not ease the pain we are experiencing. But this is not God’s way of doing things. He tells us in his word, “let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger; for the anger of man doesn’t produce the righteousness of God.,” James 1:19-20 and from Romans 12:17, “Repay no one evil for evil.”

Rather than react with the impulses of our emotions that could lead us into sin and doing harm to others who may are may not deserve any retribution we can respond according to the principles of God’s word. To respond means to give a considered reply. We can do this because (1) God is able to heal our pain and (2) God is just and he is able to deal with those who have hurt us. Our response requires that we go through a process that includes:

  • Grieving
  • Resting
  • Spending time in God’s presence
  • Forgiving
  • Overcoming evil
  • Seeking guidance
  • Waiting on God

In my case I found these steps vital to recovering from the loss that I experienced and to move on to discovering new opportunities to fulfill my calling to minister to others and teach God’s word. Let’s look at these steps one by one:

Grieving: When someone causes us pain we need to experience and release the negative emotions we are feel. That’s why we cry. We release our negative emotions so that they can be replaced by positive emotions. God wants to provide us comfort in the form of relief, consolation and reassurance. Jesus tells us in Mathew 5:4, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” When we take the time to grieve and morn then we can be assured that comfort will come and our negative emotions will fade. Paul also reminds about God’s comfort:

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort; who comforts us in all our affliction, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, through the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as the sufferings of Christ abound to us, even so our comfort also abounds through Christ. 2 Corinthians 1:3-5

He is the God of all comfort. There is not any comfort that he can not provide us. But we must not become fretful, complaining or resentful. David tells us in Psalm 37, “Don’t fret because of evil-doers, neither be envious against those who work unrighteousness. For they shall soon be cut down like the grass, and wither like the green herb,” Psalm 37:1, 2.

I took time to grieve. My participation and the things I saw accomplished in the group were important to me. I wanted our organization to expand and make and impact for Christ, but now the group was sidetracked and all my work was for nothing.

Resting: In addition to grieving we also need to rest. Our pain is a burden that takes away our energy. We must get our emotional and physical strength back so we must do what David says in Psalm 37:7: “Rest in [the Lord], and wait patiently for him…” Jesus himself offers us rest, “Come to me, all you who labor and are heavily burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart; and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light,” Matthew 11:28-30.

Jesus call us who are weary from all the toil and punishment that the world has given us to come to him, learn about him and take the burden that he shares with us. This brings us to the third item, spending time in God’s presence. This is the key to removing our pain. One reason Jesus came to earth was to heal our broken heartedness. In fact, when we are suffering, God is very close to us; he is supporting us. David tells us in Psalm 34, “[The Lord] is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves those who have a crushed spirit,” Psalms 34:18. When we spend time in God’s presence He imparts hope and strength to us. Hope is that expectation that even though we have experienced loss and pain, there is still a bright future ahead of us even if we can not see it from our current position.

I also rested and took time to spend in God’s presence. I would take time each day to play some Christian music and spend the time worship the Lord. It was not because I felt happy or joyful. I felt broken and defeated. Yet, I humbled myself in God’s presence and waited for him to lift me up (1 Peter 5:6-7).

The presence of God strengths us; we are told in 1 Samuel 30:1-19 of an occasion when David and his men found their families had been taken captive. David’s men began to talk about stoning him, but David, the scripture says, “but David strengthened himself in [the Lord] his God,” 1 Samuel 30:6. As a result, David went on to rally his men to pursue and retake their families. We also read what was spoken by the seer Hanani to Asa king of Judah in 2 Chronicles 16:9, “For the eyes of [the Lord] run back and forth throughout the whole earth, to show himself strong in the behalf of them whose heart is perfect toward him.” Here the phrase ‘show himself strong’ means to bind together. His strength helps us hold things together when our lives seem to be falling apart.

God is not indifferent to our feelings of grief. He wants to minister to our needs. Jesus himself says to us in Revelation 3:20, “Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, then I will come in to him, and will dine with him, and he with me.” Taking time for prayer, worship, reading God’s word or being in the company of fellow believers are ways we can receive the comfort that God makes available to us.

Forgiving and doing good to your enemies: As healing comes into our lives we are able to forgive those who have hurt us and let go of the pain so that we can focus on God’s purpose for our lives. Yes, we can forgive. If we do not forgive our pain will not leave us and we block receiving God’s forgiveness for our own lives. As Christians we are obligated to forgive because God himself has forgiven us our sins as Jesus tells us in Mark 11:25, “Whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone; so that your Father, who is in heaven, may also forgive you your transgressions.” But our obligation does not stop there. Jesus also tells us in Luke 6:27-28, “But I tell you who hear: love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, and pray for those who mistreat you.”

Jesus says to love our enemy; that means to show them compassion and even to help take care of their needs. He says to pray for them. That is not difficult to do. We can pray for them to experience God’s best in their lives. God’s best for our adversary would include the opportunity for them to experience God’s love and forgiveness and to start living according to his righteous standards. And we are to do good to those who mistreat us. Is this the way we would want others to treat us? We would want them to do good to us? Who should be the one the make the first move? Why not let it be us. Let us be the ones to do good to the ones who have mistreated us. Let us be positive examples of what Christ taught.

I have found that the sooner that I forgive someone the better it is for me. This helps me to focus my mind on recovery rather than revenge. Yet, forgiveness does not automatically remove the pain that we may be experiencing. We all have to battle the tendency to wish ill to those who have hurt us. But if we continue to resist that tendency then one day we will be completely free of all malice.

Don’t be overcome by evil: As we recover from loss our attention needs to be focused on the constructive tasks that we can accomplish. We don’t want our negative emotions to rule us. James tells us that, “the anger of man doesn’t produce the righteousness of God,” James 1:20. Rather than being upset and fretful David tells us in Psalm 37 to trust in God and do good. That is, our focus should be on doing what is right and helpful to those around us. No matter what has happen to us we hold the secret that the Apostle Paul gave us that will overcome anyone who means harm to us: “Don’t be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good,” Romans 12:21. If we adopt the ways of our adversaries, then we will become just like them and we will cause the same kind of pain as they did since the purpose behind evil is to begat more evil. Instead, we can live by this higher principle of overcoming evil with good. By following this rule, evil’s affect in this world is canceled out. Jesus told us to seek after God’s kingdom and his way of doing things in our lives (Matthew 6:33). Let us adopt these instructions as our daily objective so we will not allow evil to gain any foothold in our lives.

We do not have to go out of our way to do good to those who have wronged us; the Lord will bring those opportunities to us. In my case I had several of opportunities to be helpful to the group that I was no longer a part of. One instance was when I was visiting a friend’s house and came across a guitar the belonged to the leader of the Christian group which I had formerly been a member. The guitar had been ‘borrowed’ by another individual but it had been never returned. I immediately contacted the leader and asked if she wanted the guitar back. Her response was ‘Yes’, and I delivered the guitar to her. I knew this was the right thing to do; it was a unique opportunity that the Lord had set up for me to do a good deed to the one who had wronged me.

Seeking guidance: So what should we do about our situation? Our hopes and dreams may have been shattered and they may seem to be beyond repair, but God still has a destiny and a destination for each of our lives. Now we need to ask God for guidance. James reminds us in James 1:5 that if any lack wisdom, to simply ask God who will give it to anyone who will ask. In my case, because I obeyed the instructions in God’s word to forgive, to pray for and to do good to those who wronged me God gave me an idea for a new ministry. It turned out to be bigger than the previous ministry I had and I was able to reach more people.

Waiting on God: So we have gone through this process. Our pain is diminishing. Not everything has been dealt with. Should we react, do harm or say bad things about those who have hurt us? No, God’s word tells us not to be anxious but to pray and wait on him:

Psalms 40:1-3: “I waited patiently for [the Lord]. He turned to me, and heard my cry. He brought me up also out of a horrible pit, Out of the miry clay. He set my feet on a rock, and gave me a firm place to stand. He has put a new song in my mouth, even praise to our God.”

Philippians 4:6, 7: “In nothing be anxious, but in everything, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. The peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your thoughts in Christ Jesus.”

Because I have learned to respond rather than to react to the setbacks that I have encountered in my life God has moved me on to better places and to better opportunities. The same can be true for anyone who submits to the teaching of God’s word. By spending time in God’s presence, seeking his ways and waiting on him then the day will come when we will be able to say as David said in Psalm 30:11, “You have turned my mourning into dancing for me. You have removed my sackcloth, and clothed me with gladness.”

Copyright © 2008-2011 by Alan Pasho. All rights reserved.
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